Friday, November 9, 2018

Before Sunrise



Life goes on, you travel, meet new people, few leaves positive impressions rest are lessons, you love,  fall, cry, win, lose, earn, spend, eat, drink, party and sometimes you also feel sad and lonely. And everything becomes part of your memory, but among all those memories few are very close to your heart- the special ones. They never fade away, and it’s one of those memories that forced me to write this blog, that too after one year of the actual incident.
I always wondered how sometimes life is so plain, so boring, you feel like nothing happening at all and then there are also days when so many things happen within a few hours and it became your lifetime memory and you have so many details that you want to write a book on it.
When I try to remember everything in a sequence, I feel like describing a movie. So here it goes.


We had been chatting since last one month and decided to meet on a particular day and city. As I reached the place and was parking my bike, I noticed a car with the broken front mirror uncontrollably coming towards me, before I would react, I was hit by it from the back and it continued running madly in the middle of the city, few people made failed attempt to chase it. I fall on the ground 10 meters away from my bike both at the different directions, people gathering, and the city police came. While I was falling, I felt like flying in the air holding tightly arms of an angel. I didn’t feel pain, but I didn’t know I was alive or not. I felt that I was intentionally held by an angel so that I could meet you waiting for me to arrive calling impatiently, unaware of my accident. After a while when someone whispered in my ear, are you alive? I open my eyes; I found that I am alive and also not injured, I couldn’t be less surprised, It was a miracle, my bike damaged, the crowd surrounding me, curiously confirming whether I was alive or not. Few boys asked do you want us to take you to the hospital, I said no I am perfectly all right. They were more surprised than me.


 I picked myself from the ground walked a few meters away from the crowd and received the call to say please don’t go back, and there you are just in front of me, trying hard to recognize me, because I was wrapped in soil and grass, probably in the most imperfect attire for the first meet.
Before you would ask anything I said, I am all right, no need to worry, but I need to take my bike to a garage, do you know anyone nearby and then we started walking towards the garage leaving behind crowd - still inquiring about the accident.

You looked fresh and I looked dirty, your eyes reflected kindness and compassion. Our first conversation was details of my accident while my bike was getting repaired, strange, you won’t believe that I came out with no harm or just pretending and asked me to take painkillers, medicines, etc.  You would believe me only after a lot of positive and long affirmative lecture.  After dropping the bike in the garage for repair, you guided me to a beautiful park in the middle of the crowded and noisy city yet green and peaceful. Its yellow lights not just prepared a romantic weather, but also helped me calm my mental activities. We discussed our past, academic, career, likes, dislikes, our talks didn’t end and I forgot the accident. We had so many things to say, after a while, we went to pick my bike and decided to go for a night out. 

It was the month of August. The wind was soothing. I ride my bike from the streets to the streets, observing details as if we were watching the civilization for the first time. We stopped for an open-space rooftop restaurant cum bar with good music, tried flavored hookah and mocktails, then catch dinner in a jungle-themed restaurant with green light, had pics together, we were laughing a lot for no reason, smiling for no reason. After dinner, we went for the midnight show of a horror movie and watched it with holding each other’s hand. After coming out from the movie, we kept roaming around the city, felt the silence of the night.
Sometimes I would ride the bike very slowly like we didn’t want to go anywhere, just enjoying each other’s presence. We didn’t want the night to pass; we wanted the time to stop, we were not in a hurry and then we stop for the ‘City Park.’ There we watched the stars and the moon while lying on the grass, lovingly stroking each other’s hair, enjoyed sharing dark secrets in the dark night. There were no boundaries, nothing to be ashamed of, no judgment, no opinion, no uninvited suggestions. We smell grass and soil, heard what the night has to say, listening, the sound of each other’s breath when nothing else can be heard. We kept on changing places, from park to park, street to street, like we were the king of that night.
We decided to explore the countryside near the city. I took on speed and let the road guide us; we sat on a playground beyond which we can’t see anything. It was so dark, we heard the wolf, jackal maybe hyena, played with sand like kids, made few handmade temporary structures then destroyed them. We get our hands dirty with it, we tried to hear the sound of the forest and took fun in discussing the ghost of the horror movie just watched, and slowly our fearlessness get reduced we get scared, suddenly we felt as if all the animals of the forest are coming towards us and we came back to the city and decided to sit around the ‘city lake.’ 




We felt deeply engrossed in each other; we forgot that we met just a few hours ago, I didn’t know whether that night was something special or we were witnessing a cosmic mystery, it made me love and express my love so passionately. We became one with the night melting into each other, pouring love, kissing and we forgot all worldly limitations, stress, categorization, likes, dislikes, stress, strain, anger, frustration, nothing existed but only love. Love for humanity, love for each other’s soul, and love for our existence. It was hard to get separated, but slowly morning was moving in, slowly night was losing its existence for the day to live, slowly present was becoming past, moments becoming a memory and we were happily witnessing this fragility.
But we were happy, happy like never before, smiling with contentment like never before, we felt the love beyond worldly confirmations, love that was true for that moment, eternal, pure and liberating. A Love that wouldn’t bind us in the future, a love that won’t demand commitment or put control, but also a love that won’t fade away,  a love that will always bring a smile on your face, will remind you perfection of the moment.
We together created a memory, a good unforgettable one, and then departed ‘Before sunrise’ without putting any obligation, without fixing any responsibility and without tagging a name on it. Just left it, in its pure form, though unknowingly, but maybe for letting it ripe with time and becoming best remembrance. And see, it became so.

(From the pages of my diary, written on 01 Nov 2018)






Wednesday, October 10, 2018

The Joy of Divine Love



There are moments which caught you in, makes you their prisoner, wherever you go, whatever you do, you are never out of it, it was one such moment.

And you sat in front of me, face to face, watching straight into my eyes- inside me, gently holding my hands with yours, and you started transmitting your energy inside me, your eyes filled with love for my soul and knowledge that we met again. At that moment nothing existed in my world, but only that pair of eyes, an unknown sensation like an electric shock passed through my body, a mixed feeling of laughter and cries rolled at the same time, and also a strange urge to stop you, stop letting you look inside me - as it is, with no pretensions, the natural, real me, but how could I? It was all destined, you have always known me and you were not looking at my body, but my soul and beyond that, and that moment I get to know that, I have always known you, Have we met before? Are we Soulmates?
I am still looking for the answer and deeply intrigued to know and understand your experience for the same.
Somewhere deep in my heart, my existence always knew that you exist, but I lost hope and look! We again found each other. I don’t know whether you recognize me or not, and my logical mind saying it’s all just imagination, but I know deep in my heart and all my atoms seems to echo it, and one thing I know about myself that my feelings don’t lie.

I wish we meet again, create beautiful memories and together create a better world, but again, I remind myself that I shouldn’t be restless for your company. I shouldn’t be greedy for it, everything happens when the right time comes. I did my part that is to be in a place where destiny can’t cheat, and I strongly believe that in the path of ‘Dharma’ destiny can’t be odd. We are on our separate journeys for truth, for enlightenment and we crossed each other because it was all meant to be. That’s the best way for Soulmates to self-actualize their worth, isn’t it?
Before I could be friendlier on a physical world, I intentionally left without informing you because that time I wasn’t ready to develop a relationship based on material details since I didn’t want to disturb a connection that was established at the level of souls, that time I felt these things didn’t much matter. And more than that I was afraid to have more of you inside me and to take any tiny step towards a path of love where there won’t be a return for me, I was scared to invest in it. 
And now, Even if, I don’t have your address on earth and your contact number, but I feel connected with you all the time.


It’s like; Your Eyes are fixed on me,
They are moving with me,
Chasing me wherever I go, everywhere,
They are not allowing me to move on from them,
They have caged me,
Look! What have you done to me?
Why don’t you leave me alone?

Before I met you, I reached a phase where I was at a dead-end; living on anti-depressants pills, devoid of love and life, disconnected from my natural tendency to give and receive love and you rekindled everything.

Now I am scared to invest in it,
I am afraid to take any further step,
Not because the path further is unknown and full of risks, where I may get hurt, and land in an endless trap and where I would feel miserable as before; but because I don’t want to lose my capacity to love.

You have transformed me,
Through your eyes, you have not only transmitted, but also incepted seeds of your divine love inside me; I just have to keep nourishing the seed,
They will be always with me, lifelong,
They will be my source of energy for transmitting love in the world through my eyes and actions,
I am lucky to find you on this birth.

We have met on a journey; it was all plan of destiny,
If we are destined to meet again, we shall, it shall be done,
If our meeting was part of a divine process, a cosmic event where Soulmates unite for the fulfillment of a divine purpose, then we shall meet again, maybe not in this birth, but I shall always wait for you,
If we are Soulmates, we will find each other, we have to,
Till then, take care,
And you know, you are always with me; I can feel you around,
Like your eyes fixed on me, watching me all the time.

(From the pages of my diary, written on 08th Oct 2018, 9.24am)



Sunday, March 4, 2018

Meri Rooh




Kaha Hoon Kya Fark Padta hai,
Har Mahfil mein Akela Hoon,
Kya Khoj Raha Pata Nahi,
Har Lamhe mein Bechain Hoon,
Sarir to Yahi Dikh Rahi, Rooh Kahi Akeli hai,

Khoya sa Tanha Sa Lachar sa, Jo Kisi se Baat nhi Karna Chahta, Aisi ek Rooh wahi Sarir se Juda Hoon,
Na Aakrosh hai Na Ichaa,
Na Santi Na Dilasha,
Bas Bechani, Tanhai aur Rosh hai,
Khoya sa Wo Kabhi Idhar Udhar to Kabhi Khud mein Ghut Raha hai,

Tanhai ko Jee Raha hai,
Usi mein Khusi Khoj Raha hai,
Ek Bhatakti si uski Masoom Rooh Kahi Basera Nahi Dekh Pati,
Log Umeedein Bandhe baithe hain,
Wo to Umeed se bhi na Bandha Hai,

Bas Bhatakna Chahta hai,
Thaharna to Chahta hai par Bechaini Shant Nahi hoti,
Rukna to Chahta hai Par Basera sa Kahi Dikhta Nahi,

Khud ko hi Kosta
Khud ko hi Dilasa Deta
Khud mein hi Rota hai Wo,

Na Manjil Dikhti hai
Na hi Koi Mahaul Rok Pata Use,

Uski Wo Bhatakti Rooh Jane Kaha Le Jana Chahti hai Usse,

Hawa ke Sath Udd Jana Chahta hai wo,
Badal Ke sath Barasna Chahta hai wo,
Pahado se Girna Chahta hai wo,
Nadi sang Bahna Chahta hai wo,
Aur Insano se Door Rahna chahta hai Wo,

Ek Bhatakti Bechain si Uski Rooh Jane Kaha Le Jana Chahti hai usse.

(From the Pages of my dairy written on 27th Jan 2018, 4pm)


Friday, February 2, 2018

Fear (Darr) - A Hindi Poem



Na Bhookh Na Pyaas
Jane Kis Chiz ki Talaash

Na Josh Na Umang
Jane Kaha Khoya hai Man

Na Ansoo Na Hansi
Jane Kiska Hai Intezaar

Na Nind Na Aram
Jane Kya Kar Rahi Bechain

Ek Darr Sapno ke Bikharne Ka
Ek Nirasa si Jo Layi Hai
Umeed ki Kiran Kahi Door se Jhank Rahi
Sayad Paas a Paye
Ya Phir Uske bhi Bichadne ka Darr

Kahi Nahi Pahuch Pane ka Darr
Adhure ek Sngarsh mein hi Kho Jane ka Darr
Bheed mein Khud ko Bhul Jane ka Darr
Insan se Machine Ban Jane ka Darr
Aur Phir usi ko hakikat Samajh Lene ka Darr

Kabhi na Azad ho Pane ka Darr
Gulami mein Ghut Ghut ke Khud ko hi Bhul Jane ka Darr
Zinda Hote hue bhi Apni hi Rooh ki Baat na Samajh Pane ka Darr

Darr...

(From the pages of my Dairy, written on 29th Jan 2018)