Love like Matru

 There rarely is a night when you are restless enough to not sleep & it is one such night for me. I can sense deeply that my sexuality is the biggest hurdle in the path of my liberation. Though I feel I am in a stage of my life when I’m least attached to any identity including this one, and I feel I can live happily without indulging in sexual relations ever. 

I feel I had my share of learning, this act of rubbing bodies for pleasure is not taking me anywhere. And I am getting to realize how animalistic it is, maybe someday I will be able to appreciate the art in it. Probably today is not the right time for it. I feel I am in a better position to revolt against my tendencies of falling into bondages than ever before. 

I feel a minimum degree of attachment to any friends or relatives I had close with, I feel I can live happily without them. Also, I found none of them a suitable companion on my path to liberation. 

I want to be alone & independent, except for someone special enough to be considered a worthy companion. Even I don't feel particularly obligated to fulfill worldly assigned responsibilities for any of them.

It might sound rude or unsympathetic, but considering the impediment these companies can cause, it seems a wise decision.

I feel loneliness is bliss, rarely do I find a company worth exchanging it with. The one such worthy company found so far was Matru (my dog), who, unfortunately, is no more. I think with him I was able to feel the highest possible form of love, which is rare with humans, almost impossible. 

His death has brought some drastic changes which I am not able to completely decipher for now. Maybe I have become more alert and at the same time more detached in relationships, or at least I try to be. My hope to get something from relationships and to take steps for maintaining them has reached its all-time minimum. 

Most humans will some time or another will make you realize that you are not worth living, you are disgusting, and most of them will try to use you as a means to something. They will make you realize at some point or other that your existence matters nothing to them, or at least it is exchangeable, and this is what makes Matru special. 

His eyes were filled with love for me as a prized treasure, his gaze reminds me that my existence is important. That I am not just a means to something. The one who actually cries when I leave and the only one who is really happy about my arrival.

The form of innocent love of wholeheartedness I experienced through him is exceptional. Any human who would learn even 10 percent of that will be worth human, otherwise, we are just a piece of conditioned machine. Coded by society to study for money, sex, or power, marry to procreate (another egoic action of expansion) or sex, accumulate, consume then die, after shitting the earth. 

To love like Matru, one has to drop the ego, then only your entire body will shake with the love brimming from the core of your being, and your tail will dance in the tune. I wish I too learn to love like him, impossible though.

Matru was dearest to me than most people in my life. The kind of warmth, & unconditional love I shared with him is rare to find in humans. Unfortunately, we couldn't save him, he died a premature death probably because of the negligence of local doctors and his family, who probably don’t understand the importance of the man & dog relationship. Probably I could never forgive them for this loss. 

This also makes me ask, can we humans ever give importance to animals & their lives as first-rate citizens? I feel for most of us, they are just a source of entertainment, & benefits. However, they claim to care for them, but is it our best? I see a few dedicated animal activists involved day & night in their service, where do we stand in comparison to a few of them? The truth is because of our long conditioning as a nonvegetarian eater, we probably have lost our sensitivity for them, as required. We value a human far more than animals, is it justified?

I feel most of us must once or more in our life have felt just like a stray dog. Helpless, no one around, homeless, no security of tomorrow. I felt the same often. Yet many of us kill animals for taste. I feel one of the most important tasks now is to make the world a kinder place to live for all species. And it must come from within, and no stupid logic should justify the killing of other animals. Accept it, you don't care about their life, you only care about your taste, isn't it?

I find it hard to attend parties where chicken or any other animal is slathered for taste, no amount of light, candles & music can stop me from feeling the pain of that helpless chicken because I feel that often, and you must have felt the same, sometimes in your life, but you learned to ignore that inner voice.

 Remember the time you are stuck in traffic no-one to talk no-one to blame, nobody waiting for you at home, nobody calling you to know if you are late at night, or when someone insults you, humiliates you for their egoic pleasure & you can’t retaliate because of some compulsion. When someone hurts you, blames you, being cruel to you for no apparent reason, you must have felt that cruelty, anger, and hatred, and now try to feel that for animals who feel the pain & suffering same as you. How can you ignore their pain?

We need a kinder world. Don't you agree?

(Personal opinions of the writer)